weather

Everything about Copenhagen is awesome except the weather.

Bad weather follows me everywhere I go. It's like I'm in Loony Toons and I have that black cloud following me around just raining on my head.

It's May and I'm lucky if it breaks 10 degrees (and that's Celsius, bitch.) It's currently raining outside and I'm supposed to play a football game in a few hours (that's soccer, bitch.)

At least the bad weather forces me to actually spend time working on my final paper. If anyone wants to read a 15-20 page summary exploring masculinity in blaxploitation and hood films let me know.

I've also learned to cook since I came to Denmark. I can now bake bread, cook a whole chicken, roast roast beef, and saute like a champ among other things.

I'm procrastinating right now because I have to finish my aforementioned paper, finish an article about the Danish version of Comic-Con, start writing my second 15-20 page paper about Soren Kierkegaard, and finish reading a book that has absolutely nothing to do with any of the above but I only have 200 pages or so left and I hate not finishing books in a timely manner.

I also need to buy my plane tickets to England, France, and some other places I haven't decided yet. I also need to hope that the volcano in Iceland erupts again on June 27th so my plane gets grounded and I can stay in Copenhagen longer. Fingers crossed.

make money money money

One of the many perks of studying in Denmark is that I don't really need a job. After serving almost a 3 year sentence at H&M, I finally have my freedom from the repressive world of retail. The only problem is that everything in Copenhagen is expensive and I spent too much money in Italy. So while I don't need a job it would sure be nice to have one.

Instead I have to be a little resourceful with how to make money. Since prostitutes need to pay taxes here that's out the window. Since selling my body is not an option, I will sell my dignity in its place.

I write articles on occasion for an English language newspaper in Copenhagen. The pay is decent, the articles are not required to be too long, and I occasionally get free stuff. A few weeks ago I took a friend to see an opera that was absolutely terrible. So I have that going for me.

Tomorrow I am going to some sort of economics conference. I think I may get some free food out of it and I only have to write a 500 word article. I also get extra money because this is going in the real part of the newspaper not the weekly entertainment guide I usually write for.

In another effort to earn some money last week I participated in an economic experiment. It was simple game theory. Essentially you get 20 points at the start of each round and you have a choice to invest some in the group pot or to hoard some in your private account. You get to keep whatever you put in your private account but everything in the group account has a multiplier that splits between the 5 people in your group. That means if all 5 people put 20 points in the group pot then everyone gets 40 points. If everyone keeps there own you only keep your 20, and of course you can put any varying amount that in turn reflects how much you keep and how much everyone else gains. There were different rules for each round but that was the essence of the experiment.

John Nash would have said some anti-Semitic shit if he saw this experiment. Anyone that is a near functional-retard can tell that if you put all of your points in the pot and everyone else does too then you make a lot of money. Every 5 points are worth 1kr, and 5kr is about 1 dollar. Assuming everyone played the smart way you would end up with about 45 dollars. NOPE!

I should had known there were going to be problems when it started. The experiment is suppose to last 2 hours. At the beginning of the 1st round you have to answer some basic math questions to show you understand how the experiment works. These were 4th grade level problems. And yet it took about 15 minutes for all 25 people to answer them before the experiment could begin. Then after the 1st round concluded we had to answer 10 more questions because they added two new types of rules. Another 20 minute wait. At the end of the experiment which had already run long by about 20 minutes (i.e. they accounted for how stupid people could be by making the experiment longer than necessary AND THE IDIOTS STILL TOOK TOO LONG) they asked us some more really easy math questions.

1. A bat and a ball cost $1.10 in total. The bat costs $1.00 more than the ball. How much does the ball cost?
2. If it takes 5 machines 5 minutes to make 5 widgets, how long would it take 100 machines to make 100 widgets?
3. In a lake, there is a patch of lily pads. Every day, the patch doubles in size. If it takes 48 days for the patch to cover the entire lake, how long would it take for the patch to cover half of the lake?

I am pretty sure the people that designed the experiment just copied/pasted these from the same website I just google'd it from.

I ended up earning a little less than 30 dollars. I spent that money on beer and cigarettes.

While I haven't done so yet due to a nagging cold, I am also planning on participating in a medical experiment. They take some blood, give you a vaccine for something, and then you just have to come back a few weeks later and give some more blood. It's worth 50 dollars to them which is better than what the Red Cross gives me for twice as much blood (who wants free ice cream over 50 dollars?)

Except for the money that I spend on alcohol the rest of these earnings are being saved so I can afford to travel. Just through my newspaper gig alone I've earned enough to cover the cost of airfare for my eastern European excursion. The best part is all of this is 100% better than any single day I have ever worked at H&M, Best Buy, Office Depot or Albertsons because I have not had to deal with one single fucking customer.

failing hard in italy

I've been meaning to write down what I did for the second part of my trip to Italy but I was sidetracked by my laziness. Going to school for one day a week for only 4 hours leaves you with a lot of free time. When you then have a week off from school due to Easter it becomes a challenge to even get out of bed. Going from having little responsibilities to absolutely none is tough to bounce back from. Tomorrow I have to go to class again and at some point I have to start writing my final papers. There is a good chance that I won't start for another month.

So back to my awesome journey of self-discovery while I backpacked through Italia (you see this is how the locals call it so I'm better than you for using it). After Missy and I left Bologna we decided to take a day trip through Florence. Normally this would be awesome because Florence is a not that big of a place so we can see all the awesome shit in one day. Except on Mondays, because the Uffize is closed that day and the botanical garden is also closed on the first Monday of every month. Guess which day we went?

While the two places we most wanted to go were closed, there were still a lot of other cool things to check out. The Basilica di Santa Croce was pretty rad and the weather was nice for the first half of the day. After awhile though the weather took a turn for the worse and walking around became much less enjoyable.

Towards the end of our stay there we sat outside the Basilica on the steps listening to music, waiting for the time to come to leave for the train station, when all the sudden a police van came out of nowhere. Off in the distance we heard shouting and chanting and decided to take a look. It turns out it was a protest (non-violent and therefore lame) about foreign workers rights. Not as cool as I would have hoped for and unfortunately nowhere close to being a riot. My dream to partake in a riot will have to wait for another day.

Once that settled down we decided to book it to Siena. We took an earlier train and hoped that we would be able to find Missy's friend without having her number or an address. While we were on the train one of the people sitting not too far from us received a ticket for something, probably not having a ticket. I couldn't understand what she was saying but she was pretty pissed about it and the meter maid had to get backup. Sadly for the second time in the day the riot I wished for was not meant to be.

Eventually we were able to meet up with Missy's friend and settle down. The next 2 1/2 days were spent mostly relaxing. Who knew that going on vacation could be so tiring? Thankfully Siena is not that big of a city if you stay inside the walls so I was able to do some exploring while Missy stayed in bed trying to overcome her cold.

That night, sadly, did not end well for me. I came to Denmark with the goal of not making an red shirted ass of myself. That lasted maybe a week at best. In Italy? Day 6. We decided to go to a club that night and before hand had a small pre-party at the apartment. This led to drinking games in which I re-learned a valuable lesson: do not play drinking games with half a bottle of Jamison.

I should have known it was a bad sign for me when my reflexes were so slow that a car slowly ran over my heel as we waited outside the entrance but I persevered for some odd, idiotic reason. Within what seemed like 5 minutes I had ruined someone's jacket with my weak stomach and left. Covered in my own filth and unable to locate anyone that I came with, I decided to leave and find my way back to the apartment. I had no idea where I was, no idea how I was going to get inside, and no way of knowing when anyone would come and let me in. I drunkenly stumbled until I found the Piazza del Campo and used that as my navigational point to orientate myself. Due to some sort of miracle I also was able to run into Theresa's roommate who was also heading home from the club.

I threw my clothes in the washing machine, cleaned up and passed out on the couch. So much for dignity and self-respect.

The rest of the trip in Siena was less eventful and less embarrassing save for my poor navigational abilities. I can find an apartment that I've only been to twice in the dark while drunk yet I can't find a giant park with a map and directions. Siena is a city that exists only to pinpoint all my failings as a person.

Rome was much better. At first I was worried because everything on the way to our hostel was dirty and covered in shitty graffiti but once we settled in and got out of the bad parts of the city it was great. The Colosseum was quite the spectacle. The best part might have been the guys standing around outside dressed up in crappy Halloween costumes to look like Roman soldiers. They stood around chain smoking and asking, nay, yelling at all the tourists to take a picture with them for money. I declined.


Once again my terrible luck came into play when the weather decided to piss all over my travels by raining. We made it back to the hostel and took it somewhat easy because we wanted to get up early and go to the Vatican before there was a super long line to get in.

Except for the part where I was molested and the Pope covered it up, everything about Vatican City was amazing. Also I lied, the molestation wasn't too bad either (low hanging fruit is my favorite). St. Peter's Basilica was easily the most impressive of the churches we went to. I have no idea how something like that could have been built without today's technology. I'm going to assume slave labor and human rights abuses made it a lot easier.

The Vatican Museum was overwhelming with regards to how much impressive art work is jammed in there. I could have spent an hour just looking at the ceilings of the first hallway and walked away awestruck. However since I'm not an art history major or a sentimental loser, that situation did not occur. Out of everything that we saw in there my favorite was easily the School of Athens. That painting has been in so many different textbooks that I've had to read that seeing it in person was kind of cool.


The Sistine Chapel on the other hand was a tad disappointing. It isn't a lot of fun craning your neck to look at the ceiling while the guards yell 'No photo!' 5 times a minute. Since I am the original bad ass though I went ahead and took really crappy photos all stealth like. They turned out horrible but that's besides the point.

To continue a familiar theme, it began to rain again. At this point Missy and I went our separate ways because she was getting sick of me. I can't say I blame her either. While she went off exploring one part of the city I did my own thing. We eventually met back up at the hostel, ate dinner and went around exploring some more with some people we met.

The next day the weather was perfect, the sun was shining, and I was on an airplane back to Copenhagen to meet up with my friend from back home. If you believe the saying that people make there own luck then I am the worst luck maker in the world. I couldn't fabricate a good time to save my life.

working under the table

While I would have appreciated a better headline and text underneath the picture, I can't complain. I got paid to write something so at least I have a counter next time someone asks me what I plan to do with my English degree. This week I am interviewing a Danish singer and going to an opera. All for 30 bucks a pop. Considering I am on a bread and rice diet because I have no money I'm not going to complain. I would probably write just for a cheeseburger.

Full text below:

Within the last three years, Adam Young has gone from living at home with his parents to touring the world. His rise to prominence began, as so many other modern-day success stories have, on the social networks and streaming media sites of the internet. Since he first started recording music and putting it on his MySpace page, Young's solo project Owl City has tallied over 17 million page views, with some of his songs having been listened to over 26 million times. It's important to note that creating a successful website for your music doesn't always equate with tangible returns. And it's often been observed that the process of going viral can be the death knell for a young artist's career. Musicians such as the Black Kids have seen their internet success met with financial distraught. For Owl City, however, the attention has only continued to grow.

The Minnesota-born singer began his musical career in 2007 while his parents were out of town. He took advantage of the opportunity, and his troubles with insomnia, and spent the nights writing music. From these sessions came his first hit song "Hello Seattle". He self-released an EP and a full-length album that gained Young a massive following on MySpace. His viral success led to his signing with Universal Republic in early 2009. Since then, his single “Fireflies” has taken the number-one spot on music charts all over the world, reaching from his home country to the United Kingdom and even Denmark.

Given that the majority of Young's fans were initially drawn to him through links and embeds on the internet, it's not surprising that he has also picked up his share of mainstream critics, some more histrionic than others. Rolling Stones describe his music as "serious mush, like an amorous e-mail you'll regret in the morning" while the Guardian criticizes Young as having a "wide-eyed ingenue persona". Ironically both fans and foes of Owl City tend to agree that Young's lyrics can be described as lighthearted, without much substance, and even silly. But no matter the volume or frequency of his haters' comments, it seems clear that people have taken a shine to this style, in certain sets leading to Owl City's overwhelming popularity. A stand-out amongst the rest of Young's creative output, “Vanilla Twilight” works best as a showcase for his characteristic blithesome lyrics. The lyrics may lack the grace of Shakespeare's sonnets, but their subject matter, Young's high school love who moved away, is instantly identifiable and relatable by Owl City’s audience and fans. His simplistic lyrics have a striking quality to them that lulls you into a place where you don't happen to care. It's an odd harmony that draws you in against better judgment. Young attributes his musical influences to disco music and European electronic artists such as Dutch trance DJ Armin van Buuren and Scottish IDM group Boards of Canada. Also prominent is his vocal styling, eerily reminiscent of Ben Gibbard’s singing with dormant side project The Postal Service. The product of these influences can be seen in songs like Owl City's chart-topping single “Fireflies.”

Young's homemade combination of smooth music and easy lyrics has drawn in audiences worldwide. Owl City is the musical equivalent of "The Goonies" or "Predator," a campy movie you watch every time it is on television even though you have seen it more times than you can count. The plot stays the same, but the enjoyment you take from it doesn't lessen over time. Owl City's music is a throwback to the era where people gathered around and listened to music because they wanted to dance and enjoy themselves, not listen to lead singers preach awareness of various causes or belt out impassioned songs which only they themselves considered meaningful in any way. Owl City's music is straightforward and without nuance, it speaks a simpler and more universal language, and that's exactly why it has taken the world by storm.

adventures in italy (milan and bologna)

Italy is awesome. EasyJet is not. What's the point of buying a six pack of beer at the airport that says you are not allowed to drink the beer until in the air, but as soon as you get in the air and start celebrating, a flight attendant tells you that you're not allowed to? There is no point. I'm just glad I was able to drink 2 before being scolded.

Milan is not that great of a city to visit. About a week before I left for Italy I was warned by multiple people that it really isn't a tourist destination. I disregarded their advice mostly because I didn't do any of the planning for the itinerary of the trip and also because EasyJet, even with their draconian alcohol policy, is the cheapest way to fly to Italy from Copenhagen and they only fly into Milan.

Within the confines of the city there is not much to do except get drunk and shop in expensive stores. Since I am poor, and poorly dressed, I did more of the former than the latter. The first night in Milan we went to a discotheque. Since at least once a month I have to attempt to go outside in inclement weather without wearing my jacket I chose to do so in Milan. I thought it would be okay since it was 8 degrees outside and I have slowly adjusted to the negative temperatures of Copenhagen. Since I have shitty luck due to my fondness for doing dumb things it of course started to rain once we were too far enough from the apartment to turn around.

The next day just involved doing the few touristy things possible in Milan while watching my compatriots shop. While we were outside the Milan Cathedral a grifter proceeded to put bird seed in my hand and start clapping so that pigeons would eat out of my hand. This was slightly amusing at first but my naivety led me to believe that this guy was just being friendly. After I told him no more he told me it would be 20 euros. I've done many dumb things in my life and bought many things I instantly regretted but I was not going to give him that much money. I offered him the change I had in my pocket which was 2.50 euro. I am still an idiot for giving him anything at all but at least I saved 17.50. Please don't correct any fallacies with the previous statement.

The next day we set forth to Bologna to meet up with Missy's friend Elena. Once we were there I finally was able to eat a slice of pizza (therefore allowing me to wax poetic about the pizza I ate in Italy for the rest of my life) and we settled in. Missy and her friend left for another city to go to a Bloody Beatroots concert leaving me behind. My original plan was to just walk around aimlessly and see what happened. Likely nothing would have. However one of Elena's roommates, Jerry, spotted my bottle of Jamison and after we shared a drink and a cigarette he offered to take me to the Irish pub where their other roommate worked.

The bar was interesting. I watched a football game (another thing to add to my get-back-from-Europe-and-be-a-douche list) while drinking beer and trying to communicate with people who didn't speak English very well. At one point I was under the impression that a guy from Uruguay wanted to fight me because I didn't speak Spanish. I later found out that he was just really drunk. After a few hours at the bar we stopped by another place and grabbed a drink of whiskey (for free which made it even better) and I was dropped off at a new establishment while Jerry went off to find an ATM that would accept his card.

On the wall of this place they were using a projector to show clips of what I believe were 1920s cartoons. Had I been on drugs my head might have exploded Scanners style. I was way too drunk at this point and was just waiting for Jerry to get back so I could leave. Instead I ended up joining tables with a group of Italians and answering all of their questions about America. Someone finally asked me if I owned a gun. One of them, whose English was limited to just saying California, gave me a lighter. If you press a button on the side of the lighter the bottom lights up and projects a picture of a nude lady. I will treasure it forever. As the night came to a close I hung out with them outside and was treated with more gifts. Both being CDs, one of an American band called Good Riddance and the other being an Italian singer named Vasco Rossi.

The next day I woke up to find Missy and Elena had returned. I also found out that her window shutters do an amazing job at keeping out sunlight because we didn't wake up until close to 3 pm. We went on a long walk (3.5 km) uphill to see the Sanctuary of the Madonna di San Luca. I wish I could say that I wasn't short of breath the entire time but that would be a lie. Since we arrived right at closing time we were also treated with being locked inside the church and having to take some weird back way outside.

The rest of the day was mostly uneventful. We were all still tired from the day before (a reoccurring trend) so we took it easy with dinner and relaxing. Bologna ended up being my favorite city of the trip. It wasn't too large and I was able to explore the city by myself at points. 1 1/2 days was the perfect amount of time.

classes

I thought that I would have trouble adjusting to college again after taking last quarter off. Nope this is still easy. And while I would like to say it's because I'm incredibly intelligent it is mainly because I have class for 4 hours on Tuesday in two 2-hour blocks. I have a six day weekend every week. To celebrate, I am going to Italy on Thursday. Why? Because why not.

The one problem with my schedule is my choice of classes. I like both of them but one of them, my English class, is about African-American Urban Literature. And as the only American in my class, and possibly the only non-whitey, I have become to go-to guy for all things American. Who was Booker T. Washington? Ask the American. Plessy versus Ferguson? Ask the American.

The worst question was when I was asked to explain the difference between the ghetto and the hood. My terrible answer was met with the follow up question "do you ever go into the ghetto?" I may have given the worst answer possible short of saying something with the n-word in it. My respond: "Well, uh, no because I live far away from the bad parts and I don't really have a reason to go there and uh...there is the stereotype that you're more likely to get into trouble in those areas." Text cannot properly account for my bumbling and mid-sentence realization that I sounded incredibly elitist and racist. It's a good thing that my class is mostly white because I'm afraid at this point I would combine my pseudo-racism, painful awkwardness, and my inability to learn anyone's name and refer to a black student as "that one."

recap amsterdam

My trip to Amsterdam came and went without that much cause for excitement. I wish I had some elaborate story to tell about what I did there but it was your pretty standard break from school. The problem with living in Europe is that in dramatically reduces how cool it is to travel in Europe. When I first got here I was amazed that the Europeans I would talk to had never been to so many of the places I wanted to visit but within a month of being here Europe already seems old-hat to me. This is probably more of a failure on my end than anything thing.

With regards to what actually happened when I was in Amsterdam things were pretty standard I suppose. The first two days were spent seeing the sights: museums, which were okay but not as impressive as the ones in Copenhagen; coffeshops, which were a lot different than what I had imagined; the Red Light District, which I bet is cooler when it is not raining outside; and the touristy canal tour. I tried Dutch cuisine which was good and affordable. I must say I have a new found appreciation for any country or city that is less expensive than Copenhagen. I felt like a baller being able to buy a Diet Coke.

The joys I felt from feeling full were replaced with the pains of food poisoning. My goal when I came to Copenhagen was not to make an ass out of myself. So far I have kept that goal in tact in Denmark. In Amsterdam I may have forever ruined Americans for two young Spanish ladies who had the misfortune of sharing the same room with me in the hostel. Around 4 or 5 in the morning I was faced with the sudden urge that whatever I had in my stomach was not meant to be there for long. I quickly climbed out of the top bunk bed in which I was supposed to be asleep only to realize that the bathroom, a mere 10 yards away, was an impossible goal. I realized this while I ran over to the in-room sink that was situated only a few feet from the currently sleeping/soon to be pissed lady and emptied the contents of my stomach. I eventually made it to the bathroom to finish the job.

After cleaning the mess that mostly stayed in the sink and listening to the Spanish ladies speak to one another in hushed tones picking up only a few words I was able to get some sleep. I would like to say that my embarrassment ended then and there but those who know me know that it wouldn't be like me to not exacerbate the situation. I felt slightly better with a couple hours of rest leading me to make the decision to go out in the morning to one last museum before my pass expired. I'm going to cut a long story short and just say that there are very few things worse than trying to ask for the bathroom inside a museum and having to stop mid-sentence because the water you drank and the toast you ate in the morning have also decided they needed to immediately vacate the premise. I assume one of the things worse than that is being the person who had to clean up my mess. Sorry.

I went back to the hostel after that and I stayed in bed until the next day. To make up for my shitty luck with food I was blessed with awesome luck gambling. Anyone who has had the misfortune of hearing my bad beat story knows that to my grave I will curse the names of Cici and Chang who together forcibly raped me of my funds and my dignity during my first trip to Las Vegas. While I may not have caught the name of the two blackjack dealers who hooked it up last Saturday they are now my only reason for believing in karma. I nearly lost my last forty Euros but instead walked away with an extra 100. With that money I wiped almost 3/4ths of my expenses from Amsterdam off the table. Hostel? Free! Food? Free! Feeling like Mathew Lesko every time I write free? Free!

I'm sure I am violating some sort of economic fallacy by reveling in my winnings but I am going to go ahead and claim ignorance for the sake of happiness. It was fun, I'm going to go again at some point, but I am glad to be back in Copenhagen.